Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star (2011)

Rating:

I originally set out to see this movie on the opening weekend with some friends.  It didn’t happen.  The combination of a 0% rating on Rotten Tomatoes and 9 out of 100 on MetaCritic were more than enough to scare my friends and I away from it.  But still, in the back of my mind, the thought lingered, “Could this film really be that bad?”

After watching it, I almost created a new category of 0 star ratings for my blog, but decided that it was not worth the time or effort.  I expected it to be horrible and it was able to blow away all my expectations for how bad it could be.  Spare yourself the time and let us never think of this movie again.

The only possibly arguable redeeming factors are that I did not expect the details of the movie to play out the way it did, and I also did not expect it to be such a bad film for what was supposed to be a box office hit.  Happy Madison Productions, you’ve let me down…

Universal Soldier: The Return (1999)

Rating:

Since I just watched Universal Soldier: Regeneration, I wondered if I had missed anything in the second installment of the Universal Soldier series.  I watched this short movie, and it might possibly be one of the worst mistakes in my life.  After I finished, I looked on Wikipedia and discovered that when making Universal Soldier: Regeneration, they completely ignored the existence of this movie, and for very good reason.

This was essentially a B-movie, along with everything which that implies:  bad acting,  excessive out-of-place swearing, horrible dialogue, fragmented story, unknown actors (except Jean Claude Van Damme and Bill Goldberg), and lots of unnecessary boobs.  Bill Goldberg’s acting in the movie is exactly the same as when he wrestles on WCW Monday Nitro except he has a shirt on most of the time.  After all the grunting, I’m surprised Goldberg didn’t jackhammer anyone either.  It definitely wouldn’t have made the movie any worse.

The only reason this movie gets this high a rating is because some of JCVD’s flying kicking attacks reminded me of his other movies such as Bloodsport, Lionheart, Street Fighter and Kickboxer.  Also, the ending reminded me of Demolition Man, which is also one of my favorite action movies.  By the way, who is Michael Jai White?  He was in The Dark Knight?  Since they were making a B-movie anyways, they would’ve been better off employing Jaleel White like Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus; I might have been willing to give this movie another half a star if he was in this movie too, just for added comedic value.